:: Track Zero ::

:: Tuesday, February 25, 2003 ::

:: 10:45 PM :: 0 comments ::

snow day...

so work was called off today.

why? snow day:


yeah, i know it doesn't look bad at first glance. what you're not seeing is the same thing many local drivers didn't see (take a look at the photo sets on the right side)...the inch of solid ice coating the road.

-J

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:: 10:20 PM :: 0 comments ::

texas seasons...

yesterday (well, sunday...I'm posting this at just after midnight on tuesday) it was nearly 80 degrees, sunny, and dry. i put up all my winter sweaters (both of 'em), and wore sandals and short sleeves out to lunch. but that was yesterday.

but time passes, and as often happens in austin, tx, tonight is a whole new season.

so i just walked outside and chipped down to my driveway...there's between 3/4 and 1 inch of solid ice under the sleet-topped covering...i'm wearing the sweater that just last night i put up in the top of the closet. we had to switch from a/c back to gas heat. on the positive side, the dandelions growing in the back yard which were until this morning the size of your average three-year-old, should die from exposure. (take that chem-lawn!)

i believe i'll be waiting before driving into work tomorrow. while I have great faith in my own ice-driving skills -- which were honed in the midwest in a 455 big-block rear-wheel drive vehicle with no power steering or power breaks -- the tiremarks, bumper-mangled bush, and tiny shards of bumper and headlight-plastics crossing from my neighbor's yard into mine tells me that i should not place similar faith in any other drivers...

the risks are increased by the uniquely localized problem with trucks and sport utilities. you see, here, in austin, there is seldom a need for 4-wheel drive. but there are probably more large trucks and sport-utilities sold per capita to texas guys and soccer moms (respectively) than in any other large city (excluding dallas, houston, and maybe san antonio). given the relatively warm, unnasty weather, most of said trucks and sport-utilities are, of course, 2-wheel drive. but people here seem to think truck, sport utility, and 4wd are all synonymous.

thus, to drive in this weather is to put your life in the hands of all the 2wd f250 drivers who think "oversized truck" means "capable of driving normal speeds on solid sheets of black ice."

so i'll be hiding in my home until the spring thaw. which, according to local weather reports, should happen around 11am tomorrow morning.

-J


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:: 6:58 PM :: 0 comments ::

logan's coffee run...

i want to do a parody-cross between Logan's Run and Office Space.

[post-apocalyptic office utopia]

All workers have an office with a window view of a lake. The only day people work is Wednesday, and they get to select their own hours.

There are no project teams.

There are no meetings.

There are only free Krispy Kreme donuts, and fresh-brewed, catered Starbucks coffee.

Logan has achieved full desktop management and an end-to-end secure computing environment...as a result, he gets promoted to management...

...but in this world, when an Individual Contributor becomes a manager, a Job Crystal is implanted in their palm. The crystal starts green, but as the manager ages, the manager's Job Crystal shifts from green, to yellow, to red. When the Job Crystal glows red, they are given an attempt at Renewal during an event known as Carousel. If they fail to Renew, they get to start back over as a phone support monkey on the consumer side. Sometimes, before Renewal, they try to run to another department, where they hope to remain managers. Those who attempt this are called Runners.

Logan will attempt to run. But, as those who do escape find out...

There is no Sanctuary.

-J

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:: 7:11 PM :: 0 comments ::

my note to fox re: Joe Millionaire

Dear Fox:

You owe me one hour of my life back. Since you can not return my hour, I will settle for my standard overtime billing rate of $300.

I've seen this crap. There's a reason I don't watch re-runs -- I have a photographic memory, and there's no need to store duplicates or show me "flashback" episodes. I don't like it in the sitcoms, and I don't like it here.

With this one episode, you've blown the whole series for me. And I'm not the only one...It was stupid to stretch one hour of content into three hours of what has so far been crap.

-Track

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:: 6:04 PM :: 0 comments ::

in the news...

the finest security available...

Woman skirts SFO security, boards jet
Airport evacuated 2 hours later -- after she's in air with carry-on

A woman with two carry-on bags bolted through an unmanned security checkpoint at the San Francisco International Airport on Thursday and took off on a flight before federal security agents evacuated the terminal -- more than two hours later.

By then, another 10 flights had departed, and the 22-year-old woman was well on her way to Baltimore, where she was arrested.

Security cameras taped the woman pushing aside a table before bolting through the closed checkpoint at Terminal 3, which serves United Airlines domestic flights. The tape shows security screeners' backs turned to the woman, who is seen with two carry-on bags.

yes, that's right...pushing aside a table. a table. all the gates and chains and metal detectors and whatnot, and our airlines are protecting us from terrorists by blocking the gates with tables. i take that back; not even tables, but a table. one.

i don't know about you, but i sure feel safe.

---

dude, you're gettin' a cell...

'Dell Dude' Arrested for Marijuana in NY

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Actor Benjamin Curtis, the Dell Computer Corp. pitchman "Steven" who says on television, "Dude, yer gettin' a Dell," was arrested for possessing marijuana in New York, officials said on Monday.

Curtis, 22, was charged with criminal possession of marijuana, a misdemeanor that carries a prison sentence of up to three months if he is convicted, a spokesman for the Manhattan district attorney's office said.

Curtis, who lives in New York and was arrested on Sunday night, was scheduled to appear in Manhattan Criminal Court later on Monday.

A spokesman for the Round Rock, Texas-based Dell said he was not familiar with the details and declined to speculate on future plans for the advertising campaign.

"We're following the situation closely and working with our ad agency to understand what's transpired here," spokesman Venancio Figueroa said. The ad agency is DDB of Chicago.

Dell, the No. 2 personal computer company, makes most of its money selling to businesses and schools. It began the TV and print commercials featuring the wise-cracking "Steven" three years ago.

okay, but let's be honest here...who didn't see this coming a mile away? and hey, at least it was just pot...he could have been arrested for peddlin' porn from his dell computer or something. half the people had him figured as a stoner anyway...of course, i'd just about be willing to bet you won't be seeing him in any future dell ads...maybe a PSA or something, and quite likely as the target of a saturday night live skit...

-J

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:: 8:45 PM :: 0 comments ::

dentistry

so today i finally got my temporary cap removed from my rear molar. it was a 6-18 month cap. i've had it for roughly 14 years.

here's what i've learned:

1) dentistry is better than i/t because:

• no one asks for project status...
  
• no weekly status reports...
  
• high-margins...
  
• you finish 4 to 8 "projects" per day...
  
• people loathe you the same as in i/t, but they still come back to see you twice a year...
  
• you can hurt people, and they still pay you...a lot...
  

2) two people can fit four dental tools in my mouth, but three people can fit something upwards of 11 items.

3) next time they tell you "6-18 months," listen to 'em...

-J


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