:: Track Zero ::

:: Monday, March 31, 2003 ::

:: 6:14 PM :: 0 comments ::

on guilt and lawn mowing...

so i was at that horrible guilty point today where my lawn is way too long to let my neighbors see me outside doing anything other than mowing the lawn, but the 'vette really needed to be washed. i debated for quite some time. but i ended up washing the car.

it isn't like i could have mowed the lawn. i gave my lawnmower to goodwill.

why would i do such a thing? easy...i don't really enjoy mowing the lawn.

oh, sure, i said the mower was "flooded or something." i said i didn't think i could fix it. but truth be told, it probably wasn't, and i probably could have. but then i'd be responsible for mowing the lawn. and you know, i'm not really a big fan of outdoor work. so i gave it to goodwill.

i'm letting some poor guy's kid earn 30 bucks a time mowing people's lawns. i wonder if he'll mow mine? that would be ironic.

anyway.

-J

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:: 10:02 PM :: 0 comments ::

damn you, tax man.

i just finished filing my taxes.

ouch.

here's a hint: if you write books as a side job, think about taking something out of the proceeds for tax now and again.

you know, i always hear about "tax shelters," and i'm not quite sure what they are, but i think i'm going to build a little shed in my back yard, assume it meets the requirements, and hide my money under the floorboards.

-J

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:: 1:23 AM :: 0 comments ::

a wise smoking man once said....

life is like a box of chocolates.

a cheap thoughtess perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates.

So you're stuck with this undefineable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to do...and sure, once in awhile there's a peanut butter cup or an english toffee, but they're gone too fast, the taste is...fleeting...they end up nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts...

if you're desparate enough to eat those, all you have left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers.

(found this on an old server backup tonight while looking for eJeff's character files)

-J

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:: 9:31 PM :: 0 comments ::

i need more gorillas in my empty life.

yeah, that's another one of those "i don't know why i wrote that" titles.

i really thought i'd have something to write, you know, after coming up with the title there?

but no. nothing...i got nothing. i should just delete the title and move on with life...but...well...you know.

-J

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:: 8:11 PM :: 0 comments ::

biblical destruction is imminent...

hmm. i've been thinking more about doug's comments and the treadmill purchase. we're closer to armageddon than i've given myself credit for. let's look at the signs:
1. jeff gets married.
2. marriage is consumated.
3. jeff replicates
4. eJeff is available on thongs, hats, panties, and boxers
5. jeff buys and uses a treadmill

that's five of seven! one of the last two is "jeff stops drinking beer," so barring unforseen medical issues, we should all be okay.

the last one is a secret*.

-J
*okay, maybe it's not so much a secret as it was i couldn't think of anything particularly funny to put right there.

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:: 12:16 PM :: 0 comments ::

just a bit peculiar...

so i'm posting from my garage right now on my wireless notebook while brewing beer that, when complete, should be quite simiar to Old Peculiar.

i am truly great and awesome.

-J

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:: 12:07 PM :: 0 comments ::

it's the end of the world as we know it, and i feel fine.

as doug from kansas mentioned, putting ejeff in your pants (see post below if you're already lost) is likely one of the seven signs of the apocalypse. well, to do my part to further hasten the demise of all mankind (you're welcome), i've decided to bring closure to yet another part of the prophecy, and start exercising a bit. not only that, but i've actually shelled out good money on a nordic track c2200 treadmill.

now, before you start cashing in your stock options and moving to an island far from the inevitable destruction my decision is sure to bring about, you should know that not all has changed. those of you who know me probably know i have a bit of a propensity towards making things work in ways the manufacturer never really intended. the treadmill is no different.

there's this thing built into the treadmill called ifit that lets you play back custom workout routines through the computer into the treadmill. the catch is, you sort of have to go with their products to use it. but me, i'm all about the flexibility of my technology. for example, while their site lets me play through a web browser, a music cd, or a video, they didn't give me a way to use my dell axim to control my workout.

well, this just won't do.

i'd been in the house with the assembled treadmill for roughly an hour, hour and a half. i brute-hacked ifit about 30 minutes after first turning on the treadmill. i can now play home-assembled fitness routines through my axim.

now revel in my greatness.

please?

-J

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:: 11:33 PM :: 0 comments ::

this is truely insane.

the Track Zero Systems Actually Really Real Store™

it's nutty, I tells ya. but, sadly, it is real.

custom crap available now. if you'd like to open your own actually really real store, please use the referal id "trackzero" so i can get a nickel when someone buys your pants.

-J

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:: 9:51 PM :: 0 comments ::

and now a word from an almost-but-not-quite-sponsor

the more observant, regular visitors among you...er, not the ones who "have plenty of fiber in their diets" if you know what i mean, but the ones who return to this site periodically...may have noticed what appears to be a sponsor's banner over on the left side there. well, that's what it is. i'm not doing it to fund the site or anything...i'm advertising because i love this product. seriously, click the link over there, download the demo version of mailwasher pro and maybe firetrust benign, and tell me if you don't think these guys are worth a couple bucks.

to tell you how much i liked them, i purchased the application when it was still freeware. not shareware...freeware. there was a donations option under the menu. mailwasher had helped cut down my inbox clutter by so much, i actually voluntarily gave the guy some cash. i just installed mailwasher pro, and it is quite a nice little upgrade. much easier to use; all you need to know is the login info for your mailbox.

i get about 100-150 spams a day on my track-zero account. to be expected, i guess, since i've used it as my primary account since the early-to-mid 90s. it used to take forever to filter through and find the real stuff. i had outlook rules out the wazoo, but it only helped a little. now, after spending some time tweaking and adding folks to the friends list, i get thru my inbox significantly faster. the best part tho, is that spammers get "message undeliverable" notes back from my mailbox when i blacklist them. pretty sweet.

if you try 'em out and you like 'em as much as I do, there's even an affiliate's program.

-J

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:: 9:28 PM :: 0 comments ::

creme brulee

so while at central market buying murphy's, we randomly decided to pick up a couple of creme brulees. and wow. i'm a fan of creme brulees, custards, and other members of the vanilla pudding phylum, so i like to think i know what i'm talking about when i offer this professionally-authored footnote to my creme brulee experience this evening.

holy s*** that's some good f***in' creme brulee.

f***.

-J

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:: 9:01 PM :: 0 comments ::

murphy's irish stout...

so my favorite non-homemade beer is murphy's irish stout (although, Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat is a very close second), is finally available here in texas. i've been periodically whining about the absence for the four and a half years i've been here, although it was available on draft from the gingerman or b.b. rovers, but i found it tonight, in the 4-pack 16-oz pub draught cans, at central market.

i bought 4 packs, just in case it happens to be some weird temporary st. pats thing.

i recommend you do the same. worst case, you can sell 'em to me when my supply runs dry.

-J

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:: 9:46 PM :: 0 comments ::

free time...

who the heck has this kind of free-time?
pencil carving gallery

and more, how randomly am i clicking to find crap like this? i sometimes feel like that guy in the commercial that got broadband and kept following links until he found "the end of the internet."

-J

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